What’s Going On

Mother, mother
There's too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There's far too many of you dying

Marvin Gaye has been going through my head since I woke up today. Protests in cities across the U.S. for 7 days now.

Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality

There is a #blackouttuesday today which was supposed to be for the music industry to “go dark” on social media to put more light on the protests around the country. But it’s really taking away from the cause. It just feels illegitimate to post anything right now any day. I mean people are posting black boxes - like what’s that gonna do? Show that you stand with black people? It’s like white people don’t know how to show their solidarity and need for change without looking politically incorrect.

Well, we are incorrect, and have been incorrect for a long time.

What we post — ‘we’ meaning white people — is either super angry and pushy like “if you don’t take a stand you are part of the problem” - which is true - or like “I’m showing that I’m with black people to look politically correct because I don’t know what else to do”.

I don’t think posting on social media will help the fight because it clogs up people’s feeds. We’re doing it just so we look like we’re in the fight. And we are. But I don’t think social media is the way to go.

Social media has been proven to hinder people’s mental and emotional health —

  • we compare ourselves with everyone else; we get into fights because we aren’t talking face to face with someone and so it’s harder to understand and get close to each other by communicating through text only;

  • we feel special when we get likes, but it also makes us feel more disconnected with “real life” people; and

  • it hinders our information retention, so when we read something we aren’t able to process it to explain why we agreed with a post and why we’re in the fight.

But I understand that so many people get their news on social media right now — I do too — but to post now (especially posting just a black box) would be like perpetuating the problem that’s happening to people’s mental and emotional health — it’s just one more useless thing to consume and muddy up our brains so we don’t know what to believe.

What I’m doing is leaving space for actual news and people’s stories that would be actually useful for people to read and learn from — therefore I’m not posting on social media right now.

Now maybe this comes across as silence. Because nothing is real unless you post about it, right? But I feel the need to something more tangible. Like donate to a bail fund or get out to a peaceful protest and show up.

But I also want to change my systemic racism that I’ve been fed my whole life and believe so deeply I can’t even see it. Over and over, I’ve looked at Black Lives Matter protests and thought that I’m not racist, so it’s not my problem. Well, I do see it is very much my problem and something that I can help to change.

Now I see why black people are so angry and it’s completely ridiculous that I haven’t understood it before.

We need to learn how to undo these thoughts and beliefs we have and also explain to others how to change their thoughts. This podcast from Unf*ck Your Brain does a great job explaining how we all have racist thoughts and how we can change them. I believe that’s one way how we can change our white privilege and stand up for people of color.

It’s right to be angry and hurt and upset by the blatant violence towards people of color in this country and around the world. 

And I could make an excuse on why I didn’t post anything on Facebook for the first 7 days of the protests and try to look like a good person, but maybe I’m not.

I’m coming to grips with where I stand without feeling like I’m pushed into posting something just to look like I’m a politically correct.

Am I just trying to look like an ally or actually BE an ally in my heart?

Some white people are trying to understand how they can help more.

And one way how they can help is to change the systemic racist thoughts in their brains and learn how to teach others to change those too.

We don’t need to push others to stand with us, we need to show them why they should.

And if you want to yell, go to a protest, that’s the place to really yell and get your anger out.

Then on social media share the content that will actually change things –

  • show the videos of people being mistreated so people become outraged,

  • share news that explains the facts so others will understand

  • spread links where to send donations, and

  • point out where being politically correct isn’t always right. 

Be humble and understanding and really do the work on your thoughts and change your brain so that you can help change other white people’s brains too.

Melissa Brumm